All around in this this calm environment. I sit with my God… hoping, trusting, waiting on HIM. I am a Christian and want to stay that way for the many days and experiences I have had with my God. I love Liza… Liza, the girl I’ seeing right now. It brings me to tears. I remember asking her one day “Do you love me?” and she did not want to reply and say anything. She has doubts… oh my God she has doubts … you see, I live in England and she live’s in France. I am too confused to even write this blog down. How am I gonna collect myself? How am I gonna collect this blog together? Oh my… “look to Jesus… look to Jesus” … I tell myself. I am in love with Liza, but does she love me? I do not know and I do not want to demand it from her forcibly because I believe that true love is free and not forced.
Being in love is silly. My fingers can’t even write this blog properly. I’m just too overcome. Why? Why must I be overwhelmed by such feelings? –sigh. Well, enough. Mummy and Daddy are urging me. Friends are nudging me. I don’t want this. I’m tired. Next time they come to me and say,
“hey, what about your girlfriend….”
“…when are you gonna get married?…”
I would shut them up and say that I do not wanna talk about it. Let my soul sing… let my soul praise Jesus and rest upon his many goodness and favor. And let me forget about this. God works when we trust in HIM so I do not have to worry about it. Liza, my love… I do not know if you’re ever gonna have me or love me. I wanna loose you and move on with my life. But why this? How can I just go like that? How? It’s just not probable… Oh Jesus. I guess I have to trust in you Jesus… I wonder how henrietta is doing?
I totally dislike my father. Always butting into my life – what the heck! Such a control freak … but its sad because I am a control freak too. I don’t hate my daddy. I just hate the fact that I cannot hate him. He has caused me too much damage.
Till next time … this is me one day without Liza, the love of my life.
Ernie…
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